When I Gaze Into The Looking-Glass ©

6 Mar
When I gaze into the looking-glass,
I despise what I see.
A woman. Flawed. Insufficient. 
Pillow lips of blushing roses
A youthful face of innocence
Breasts made for sustaining life
Hips made for giving it
Even the hairs above my lip 
Seem meaningless
And yet, I must remove them.
Hair above my genitals-
Isn't it disgusting?
A healthy vagina, and yet so grotesque. 

Sent to me to process like a torrent
My already overwhelmed psyche
And for me, to somehow, change. 

Behind my eyes lies a world 
That is cruelly misunderstood, 
In spite of best efforts against it.
My eyes are like an ice wall, 
Impenetrable and protective.
For what's behind them could only be wrong. 
It could never, ever, be right.
Or enough. 
Or genuine. 
Or valid. 

Behind my heart is another veil
A hesitant keeper of
Deepest knowledge and intuition
Somewhere inside of me
I just know it
Is a she-wolf 
A woman, as it is called, 
"Who runs with the wolves." 

A soul that owns its own self
A spirit born of the Earth 
Made for this universe 
But not of this world. 

How can such a perfect creature
Lie dormant inside the prison 
Of my limitlessly flawed body? 
How can she wait there, patient 
As I am tossed about by the restless tempest of woman's existence? 
And how can this mother goddess re-emerge
Unharmed by her besiegement?
I see her, each month, slowly dying. 
Viewed as but a weakness;
This is what makes her divine. 

When I gaze into the looking-glass,
I despise what I see. 
Why shouldn't I?
I am but a worthless object 
To be utilized as a vehicle for pleasure 
And to count in the ownership of men I've never met,
Claiming the rights to my body. 

I am the second sex
The fair & fragile
The figment of Adam's body
Made not in God's image.

I am the property of he,
throughout the ages, 
a slave to Man's "free will." 
And yet, this is neither my wish or my design. 

How to prevail against the influence
Of total domination,
And the legacy of Man?
How to stand against the oppressor, 
How to hear the voice of the internal guide? 

To oppose the command of the great dictator, 
The patriarch,
The dogmatic regime of the normative being 
The non-other
The entity of consequence? 

And how, dare I ask,
Can I bear a daughter to this life? 
How do I engage in what is expected 
Even if it is normal or human,
If what is either has never been a woman's choice? 

How do I gaze into the looking-glass, 
And smile at the woman smiling back at me? 

© Evin Maria Ximena Phoenix

© Photo by Evin Maria Ximena Phoenix

© Photo by Evin Maria Ximena Phoenix

2 Responses to “When I Gaze Into The Looking-Glass ©”

  1. Romantic Dominant at 10:22 pm #

    Wonderful poetry

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